I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Come on in and take your pants off
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