It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Randomize
