I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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