he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
