he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
