His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
