Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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