Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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