i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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