you guys were way drunker than both of me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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