I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
