last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
