While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
