My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think a kid would responsible me up
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
