you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
