Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
