Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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