she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
