it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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