Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize