you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
