Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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