who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
