He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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