I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
