I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dick very happy bro
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize