it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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