this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
