I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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