That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
But theres a keg here and me gusta
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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