Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
