Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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