i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Ladies don't puke and tell
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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