I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
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