I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
