so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
