I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
