If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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