You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
