I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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