I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
