Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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