Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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