just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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