TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
We have started to decorate penises.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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