Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
