you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
