Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
