I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
