Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
