the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
