I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize