Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
