i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
