if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
