just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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