I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
