barbara walters just said penis...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
