I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
