Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
