Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize