Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
