Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
