No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
