Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
