I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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