Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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