I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
