Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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