My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
