you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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