Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
