You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
