My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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