this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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