I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
