Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
