i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
