Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
