just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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