hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
