how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
