shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
