ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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