he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
