Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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