I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
