Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
