just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she smelled like a LAN party
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
