I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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