I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
