what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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