Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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