fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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