I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
