I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
