I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
