Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
