I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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