i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
