do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
