Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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