I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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